BDSM is an activity that gets a lot of attention and is rather poorly perceived by society in general. Indeed, I remember a friend who raised the subject a few years ago and who was received in a fairly judgmental manner; as if it was not normal to consider this practice or even to talk about it.
However, if it is so popular, it is because there is real interest. In addition, the emergence of soft BDSM proves that there are different scales in this practice. So today, we wanted to remind you what BDSM is, introduce the concept of “soft” (“soft” in French) BDSM and give you some tips to start this practice, without judgment and without shocking anyone;).
What is soft BDSM?
To do it right, you would have to write a comprehensive article on the history of BDSM ^^. So, we're going to do it faster and pass on the important concepts to you. First of all, what does BDSM mean? In fact, these are 4 letters to define much more things:
- BD: for bondage and discipline
- DS: for dominance and submission
- SM: for sadism and masochism
Indeed, said like that, it may seem a bit scary ^^. For example, you can just practice bondage, or just submission, etc. Bondage is about being attached; submission is about obeying orders; domination is about giving orders. Regarding the SM part, which seems to be the most unusual, we are talking here about loving to inflict pain or enjoying receiving pain.
The development of the practice of BDSM began in the early 1900s, especially after: An essay by Sigmund Freud on sexuality. It probably existed for a longer time but did not have this term or was not studied, the information on the subject is relatively complex to find. In any case, it is an activity that has a certain history, which is quite widespread and practiced in couples, by professional dominators or even in the homosexual community.
With the emergence of the Internet, adult sites, meetings or even movies like “50 Shades of Grey” that promote a better open-mindedness, BDSM is becoming more and more popular and accessible. This is why we talk about soft BDSM: in fact, in BDSM practices that can be professional, we speak for example of setting up a contract between the dominant and the dominated, which seems relatively inaccessible. Soft BDSM is therefore a softer and more accessible form, which must still respect certain rules that we will talk about.
The best practices of soft BDSM
BDSM, as direct as it may seem, has some great habits to teach us! Yes, in this community, in order to clearly delineate things and to guarantee everyone's safety, communication is king. This over-communication ensures that everyone is comfortable and guarantees the consent of all participants. So, to start this erotic game in the best conditions, here's what you need to know.
Confidence
Soft BDSM is practiced with a partner you trust. Or it is a person we know well and who gives us this confidence. Well, it's a person who has already practiced and who puts us in confidence. In any case, we don't do that with just anyone;).
Communication
Like trust, communication is key in couples in general and even more important in our case. Indeed, to know what we want to try, what we are ready to do or not to do or to share our level of knowledge, we must discuss. If it's complicated for you to put things into words (which can clearly happen to anyone), put yourself in an environment that reassures you to be able to talk about it: just after a “classic” relationship, During a dinner for two or by starting the conversation by text message.
Safety above all
When you start this type of practice, you need to talk about the rules of the game beforehand. This is normal since the aim is for participants to always feel good. That's why communication is all the more important! It is recommended to choose a “safe word”: a word that, when spoken, will immediately end the game. This makes it possible to never cross the line. Because the objective is above all not to exceed the limits, but always to brush against them in mutual pleasure.
Inquire in advance
That's good, that's what you're starting to do by reading this article;). To be fully aware of how it works, the ideal partner or to find ideas to start gently, it is ideal to have looked for some information. This will allow you to be proactive and maybe even teach your partner things.
Start gently
Another very important rule: take it easy! At the end of this article, we've given you some ideas to get started step by step. Do not embark on complex or intense practices too quickly at the risk of scaring you. The objective is to enjoy and take your time.
Why try soft BDSM?
As we just said, the objective is to gain a footing for two! So ask yourself the following question: what do you have to lose by trying? The answer is personal to you but we will give you some ideas to allow you to think about the question.
Try soft BDSM out of curiosity
Some of us are more curious than others and the adage “Don't die stupid” fits well here. It's normal to be curious, especially if you've seen video content featuring BDSM. It is also possible that friends quickly told you about it and that they aroused your curiosity and desire. As we explained to you, since you can stop the sexual relationship at any time, you can give it a try and see what happens. Listen carefully to yourself so as not to cross the line and communicate properly.
This idea sparks your envy
How do you feel when you read this article? Maybe a little tingling in the lower abdomen? If that's the case, you might consider giving it a try and see what happens:).
Spice up your relationship
The introduction to BDSM can be done as a couple and luckily! What are the best conditions than those that exist in a healthy couple: trust, communication, respect, consent... It turns out that your partner could be the ideal person to try! The only thing now is to approach things gently.
Making love last
The main reason we started this blog is to allow love to last through sex. So from our point of view, learning soft BDSM in a gentle and caring way is a superb way to find new sexual energy in your relationship. It could allow you to spend your life together enjoying your sexual relationships to the fullest! Maybe you're tempted who knows?
Some ideas to get started in soft BDSM
The goal is to go crescendo and according to everyone's desires.
Start with handcuffs
Simple and accessible: for less than €15 you already have a wide choice of handcuffs. Classic handcuffs, with suction cups or those made of satin, there is something for everyone and it is affordable. On our side, We prefer the satin one because they make things even sweeter. With the handcuffs, you may as well try to disguise yourself as a sexy policewoman.
The universe of hot and cold
To start, you just need ice cubes and a candle ^^. The more classic of the two is made with ice cubes because it is a sensation that we know better. On the candle side, it's a step up in terms of sensitivity, especially when the wax touches your skin (but then it passes very quickly). Secondly, you can use them on erogenous parts of the body: the buttocks, the chest, the nipples or even the genitals (pay attention to the level of sensitivity anyway).
Wearing daring outfits
In the BDSM world, the palm of popularity is given to harnesses. And for the record, you can find some that are quite accessible in terms of price and intensity. For our part, we have a slight preference for The very soft and sexy women's harness at Passage du Désir.
You're blindfolding
Super simple, you blindfold yourself or your partner's eyes will allow you to ignite your imagination: you don't know what awaits you or, you may be imagining some of your fantasies. The temperature will rise quickly;).
Use a gag
Here is a non-exhaustive list of the gags you can use: the satin upper cuffs, underwear (it's very hot!) , or even commercially purchased gags. There is something for everyone. However, be careful not to suffocate and to find an alternative movement to the safe word that is impossible to give if you are gagged.
Wearing nipple clamps
The nipple clip is a very popular practice and we love it! We even did A dedicated article on the subject.
Do role-playing
Especially as part of the quote and without accessories, you can in turn try the quote. One evening, define which of you two decides: his desires will be fulfilled by the other. Then you switch roles. Or not;).
Testing bondage
Bondage in itself is a very broad practice in BDSM. As a reminder, this consists of obstructing your partner's movements. It can be said that it is a bit like the step after the handcuffs. It's not the most accessible practice, but it's worth considering when you already have a bit of experience!
We hope we have given you ideas to start soft BDSM well but you can imagine many other things! Sexual imagination is developing. If you want ideas to approach these different topics in an erotic and original way, you can launch sexual challenges to your partner. It's also a good way to innovate, have fun and get a kick out of it for two.
